fingercrossing

Good Lord SAVE ME from this monotony! ugh. i see ripples dang it! when i particularly said i wanted tsunamis. well. not really said it but. clearly. by the looks of it, seems im not gonna get what i want now. least, not anytime soon. this. is sooo not cool. id effin rape chance and luck if i could. PLEASE. for once. just once. have the cosmic balance or whatnot, sway in favor of good ole' me. -ive an audition this weekend. im broke, and i really really REALLY need the part. :( wish me luck, break my leg i don't care what i do but i gots to get my career off to a start.

why so whiny

"I built a world of dreams where everything's perfect. where everyday's more perfect than before. where everyone's all perfect and all things are all quite perfect pretend. where the lines between truth, and lie -such a strong scathing word- are blurred. and each dream fades into reality and back. so don't, for the love of all things beautiful, ask me what the truth is. because the truth is. so now you can hate me. is that all this is fake. the truth is we are sad lonely creatures and the colorful lies we powder our noses with are all that we have against this harsh world."

It's gettin harder and harder for me to breathe. considering how awfully free my days are. i caught myself hyperventilating again. boy this sinking feelin sure is HELL. the past anomalies i've caused are catching up on me. and envy is such a dark dark sin. and so is pride. but what of pity. and indolence. argh. 

"What if... I should have..."

"If i could've just.... it would've been..."

"If only.. but what then..."

Ah the magnificent shades of gloom.. if words were paint and our thoughts were canvas, imagine the poisonous hues these phrases would cast. i'm caught up in the trysts and treasons. between fate, and dreams, and expectations. and a myriad of other abstract figures, all horny and having quite the grandest orgy of their lives on a dorm room bunk bed. and i'm the unfortunate college nobody at the top bunk, trying and failing to have a proper rest between the terrors, the tremors below, the moans and creaks, the irritating asian girl screams. seriously. that's how im feelin. s'like an endless migraine. and it doesn't help that the vast emptiness of my future and its amusing contrasts to the immense tangents of paths and streams. that root and branch to a dizzying number of possibilities. overwhelm me. 

To an extent where i'm too fazed, too dazed to even function. ultimately cursed to spend weeks and weeks of unproductive web surfing, online whoring, sketchpad doodling, drunk partying, photo tagging, and couch potatoeing. bleh. just effin disgusting. but i'd like to justify things a little and say that im honing my skills -of what sort i'm too lazy to even waste a brain cell on- but even that is sumthin id rather not waste my brain cell on. i'm not makin any sense. i swear. at the rate of how things are goin, i could've rotten to a stinkin old hermit by now. but even so, one thing's for sure, i'd milk whatever artform i could from it. so have all the sick groping and pumping and wild fuckin you want fate. guess what. im makin a porno. peace out. clay.

ps. if you thought i wasn't THAT grimy i apologize. haha. this is me ranting. just that my influences include blood, gore, and sex. but considering things, who knows.. maybe i could treat you to real dirt someday. just not now k? aryt now bugger off.

poppin the cherry

hi. im clay. obviously not my real name. and is obviously under the guise of ellis' less than zero lead. just in accordance to the whole less than zero theme. lame. haha. so im starting a new blog. i figured ill be needin an output to practice my writing since i will be doin a lot in the following months. work-related of course. what's different is im removin' all ties to the real me. we're talkin full blown raw anonymity here. the more fiction-y the better. its easier that way i guess. and a lot more filthier. like spittin on blood drippin on mud splashed with fresh cum filthier.

excited? wait for my next post.